Am I The Best Me Possible?

   

 What does it mean to be the best me possible?  I have grown up in a society that always strives for better, bigger, perfection.  Perfection is in the eye of the beholder, but that is not what we are taught.  Who is the beholder?  Is it I or them?  Which one matters?  Growing up it was "their" opinion that counted, was I pretty enough, smart enough, skinny enough, something enough.....to belong in "their" group whatever group that was.  The belonging still goes on.  Am I good enough for this job?  Do I do enough to keep this job, to make my bosses happy....the list continues.  And with family, oh family, that is the kicker.  We do what our parents tell us so that they will either be proud of us, notice us, or not notice us.  That is until we realize that they are just making it up as they go along, as is everyone else, it is just the some people are better bullshitters than other.  There is no group, no perfection, there is just us.  Us, swirling around on this planet, trying to make sense of what is going on, and making it all up along the way.  Some of us make up pleasant stuff, other's not so pleasant stuff.
        I love journals.  Especially new ones.  I have a habit of writing about 20 pages in a journal and then putting it down, and then finding a new, prettier one, one with fresh pages for fresh ideas.  I sometimes go back and read what I have wrote, and lament that I am in the same "space".  Still in debt, still overweight, still not 100% happy.  Although in some of those journals I wish I was that "fat" again which was 30 pounds less than now.  I am learning to not lament in my journals, but to rejoice in what I have and project what I want for the future.  Haven't figure out the time/space continuum as yet to receive what I want in a timely matter, (my time)  but I do have proof in my life that most of what I have asked for, I have received.  Even the things I "didn't ask" for, I did, through my energy and actions.
    Which brings me back to the original question, "Am I the best me possible?" and what does that mean for me.  I have always been the best me possible, because that is who I am.  I struggle, I laugh, I cry, I lament, I sing, I learn.  As I continue to learn and accept who I am, I fall more and more in love with me.  The best me possible.