Absence makes the heart grow fonder......

    

 Absence makes the heart grow fonder.  We've all heard this phrase before and most likely felt it.  It is used most used in romantic or family relationships contexts.  But what if this was the reason we are here?  On this earth, in this place that we do not understand with all its complexities, twist and turns.  When we are with someone we love we sometimes forget what they bring to the relationship, how much richer our lives are for their presence. Familiarity and habit tend to make us unappreciative of what we have.  But it seems when they are away, we are more able to delve into why it is they are in our lives and that longing we feel to have them back is that feeling of what is missing when they are gone.  I'll be honest, I do not feel this way about all the people that have come into my life.  
     Sometimes absence brings healing.  Being away from a situation or certain people brings clarity, we may have needed them in our lives at that moment, we must have, or they would not have been there. Not all people are meant to be lifelong participants in our short lives in this world.  As I am writing this, the phone rings and my husband calls to talk to me.  He has been gone 3 days.  He calls me everyday, yesterday 3 times.  It reminds me of our deep commitment to each other, we've been married 33 years, a blessed relationship where we have learned to support each other through life's ups and downs, and continue to learn.
     There is another relationship that is more intimate and has been with me since my beginning.  There are tons of arguments of just when that was, but it is a mute point.  The point is this relationship is the most important one of my life.  The one with my Creator.  Although my Creator is always talking to me, I am not always listening.  I can tell when I have stopped.  My life is jagged, hard, wrought with tears, worries and fears.  When I finally stop to listen, life is easier, joyful, fun.  It is always my choice not to listen.  I do not know why I do it, I know the consequences, I feel scattered, unworthy.....just like I know the consequences of eating pizza, I love it, my body not so much, bloated, slow, heavy; the price I pay for enjoying a culinary delight.  When not listening, I wonder what my purpose is, why am I here, what is the point?  As I am drawn back into the loving space that is my Creator, I am filled with peace, excitement and joy.  Why do I not listen all the time?  Is it so I can understand my Creator more?  I sometimes ponder why would anyone in their right mind come to Earth, agree to be Human, knowing they will not have that 100% connection at all times?  I imagine that being at One with my Creator is like bathing in a white light and all there is Love.  I felt this intensely one time, I know it to be true, well at least my truth.  But maybe, just maybe my reason for falling to Earth, (a metaphor for no longer being one with the One), is so I can experience what it feels like not to be "in" 100% love all the time.  That by being away from my Creator, I am learning whom my Creator is.  And who I am.  Sometimes I am the wave reaching for the shore, knowing my destination, other times a wave in the great expanse of the ocean, melding with the other waves on one no particular course.  As I write this, I am in awe and appreciation of the gifts I have been given, the greatest one being this seeking heart.  I seek in the situations created in my life, the people who show up, the animals, the flora, the sky, the very breath I take.  And the journey will continue until I have exhausted every avenue available to me, until I am satisfied that I have experienced my Creator in all ways and I am ready to return home.