Rambling #649

  

   I used to want to know everything.  Why I was in the world, why things happen, happy and sad things, how my world really worked, and sometimes I still do.  But then, I also remember that when I did find out something mind-blowing, I was happy for a while, but then sometimes would wish I had never found the information out, that I could step back into my tiny box and hide from the “knowingness”.  The recent attack in Manchester has me rattled, but not in the way most people are.  I have delved into so many different ways of thinking and looking at the world, starting out with basic religion, studying Christianity, Buddhism, Abraham, The Secret, Reiki, Shamanism, Wiccan and more, reading countless Christian authors, New Age authors, although I do not know why they are called “New Age” because their teachings are found in almost all religions, just packaged differently, and I guess I am still seeking the truth.  My truth. 

     I looked up the word “truth” for its definition and here were the first three that popped up:  1- the quality or state of being true, 2- that which is true in accordance with fact or reality, 3- a fact or belief that is accepted as true.  Number three rings true for me (ha, ha).  The majority of us accept as truth that we are born, we live a life, we die.  In between being born and dyeing, we live a life.  I do have the belief that we all choose a life on Earth.  We may not have read the fine print (who really does?), like a travel package all we see is “Fun!  Sunshine!  Relaxation!” or whatever your particular vacation would look like, I honestly do not remember the part about Sorrow, Broken hearts, Disease, Hardships etc.  I am still not clear if we choose our death in the beginning or if it has to do with the choices we make while we are here.  There are so many.  One of my favorite Dr. Who episodes is when Donna has the choice to go right or left.  If she chooses right, the world ends, if she chooses left, life goes on as normal, whatever that may be.  In the beginning, she chooses right, and then has to travel back in time in order to choose left.  I don’t know if we have that luxury.  Although there is a belief out there that parallel Universes exist with all the choices we have made, we are just not “in tune” with them.  I can understand why, it is hard enough to keep up with all the is going on with the one we are in tune with. 

      So. what is the point of this rambling?  I am not sure.  Just a reassurance to myself that all is well, that I am not in control, although I like to believe I am, that I do not have to know what is going on, I just have to, well that is it, I do not know what I am supposed to do.  Sometimes I think that petting my cat and being aware of her happiness and my happiness is enough, but then again sometimes I think I have to save a world that does not want saving.