Thank you Colorado....

         

 I know why I don’t live in Colorado.  And I know why moving back to San Antonio is not a problem for me.  For so long, I have wanted to move to Colorado.  I loved the way I felt when I was there, my Soul soared, and it felt like home.  Funny thing is, I don’t need the Colorado mountains to feel that way anymore.  I always cried when leaving Colorado, believing I was leaving part of my Soul behind.  Or that I could not capture that wonderful feeling unless I was in Colorado.  I am not saying that I will not ever visit there again, or that I may not ever live there.  It is just that the longing is no longer there.  The insistence that it was the only place I could be happy is gone.  I have found my happiness inside of me.  I can go to that place where I feel whole and well at any Time.  And if I leave that space, (which actually is just an illusion, because you can never really leave yourself), turn my attention in another direction, it is always my choice.  And I can choose when to return, or when to turn my attention back to that space of wholeness, wellness, completeness.

     It is like the child who runs from their mother, falls down, runs back to receive love and reassurance and runs again from their mother.  It is a constant receiving and letting go.  I realize that as I grew older, I did not take time to run back to myself, my center, after my excursions of the human kind.  It was not a process I was taught as a child, and I don’t remember when it happened when running to my mother no longer gave me the feeling of being safe.  I do not mean that in a bad way.  All of nature does it.  All mother’s reject their young, causing or rather allowing them to grow up and be on their own.  We must learn to stand on our own two feet, to navigate this life, to learn to fall on our own and pick ourselves back up. 

     Life becomes easier and more fun as we realize every time we have an experience that is not pleasant for us, we can detach from it, go to our center, be revitalized and go out again for more experiences.  Each time we touch base with whom we really are, our adventures become ones of our own choosing allowing expansion and growth. 

     So I am letting Colorado go.  And not in a sad way, of “I am giving up on this dream and I will never see you again”, but in a way of gratitude, for bringing to my attention that feeling that I was missing of being whole and complete and understanding that I never really was.  I mean how do you know that you love the smell of horses unless you have been around them?  How do you know that the beach is where you find solace unless you have experienced it?   How do you know the smell of pork chops and sauerkraut makes you feel at home unless your Daddy cooked them for you?  How do you know your Soul unless you have had experiences where you have not felt it?  It was always there.  It is always there.  These proddings from the Soul of beautiful life experiences are there to remind us that our Soul is always there, and although we have had these experiences that brought us much pleasure, they were just there to guide us back to ourselves.  Every experience is to bring us back to ourselves.  You get to choose how they are perceived.  Wow, just an “Aha” moment.  Definition of Free Will- “We get to choose how to perceive our experiences.”  Take a deep breath on that one and allow.  Breathe and Allow.  

21 days left in Grapevine

    

   It has been a very interesting year, I have learned a lot about myself.  I have enjoyed my patio immensely; my new patio won’t have as much room or the open view of the sky, but it will serve my needs.  And although I have spent the last 38 years trying to get out of San Antonio since my family moved there in 1979, I have this feeling I am going back to an old friend.  Maybe it is time to reconcile with San Antonio.  I have always “blamed” others for me being there, my family for moving me there in the last month of my junior year in high school, my husband for keep taking jobs back in that area, but as I have grown, “nothing” just happens.  I am the orchestrater of my life, or rather my Soul is, and for some unknown reason, San Antonio is where I am meant to be.  I am at the point I do not even have to know the reason.  My friends and family know I love Colorado.  I love the way I feel there, my heart soars, and I breathe in the fresh mountain air and just let me eyes rest on the beauty surrounding me.  Reno held the same magic for me, and I will always be grateful for the 1 ½ years I lived there.  I call it my year and half vacation, it is hard to describe just how those mountains stirred my Soul, plus I made some life-long friends. 

     As much as my Soul longs to be in the mountains of Colorado, my Soul also understands that it came here to experience life in a physical body.  And San Antonio is where my life is now.  My son, my daughter and her husband, my mother and father, my brother and his wife and lots and lots of friends.  I know San Antonio and San Antonio knows me.  There are so many pluses to living in San Antonio, one big one of only being 2 hours away from Port Aransas, and when I think of relaxing, I think of Port A.  It will be one of our first things to do after settling in.  I am also ready to settle down and call somewhere “home”.  I have always loved moving, meeting new people and experiencing new places, but I feel the journeys I will take now are more inward. 

     My friends here keep asking if I am going to continue in the wine business.  I laugh and say, “No, I am looking for something I am passionate about.”, which is funny because I am very passionate about drinking wine!  I never know where my next job will come from.  The last 4 jobs I have had, have literally dropped into my lap so I am open to the Universe as to what comes next.  Who needs me and whom do I need to continue my journey?  (in an easy and fun way!)

     I am going to miss Grapevine.  It is a wonderful town, people here take pride in keeping it clean and the landscaping is beautiful.  I am going to miss the people I have worked with, such an awesome crew, I am definitely going to miss the great pool here, and the proximity of everything so close, and not a lot of traffic, unless you have to get on the highways.  I am sure one day I will look back and see this as some sort of vacation, this little town in-between two large metropolises, keeping those small town values and allowing visitors to feel comfortable, a little vacation spot from the busyness of life.  And isn’t that what we all long for?  A respite from the busyness of life?